So my next post topic has been abit of a challenge for my scattered brain. A few subjects spring to mind but making them worthy of a post is the problem.I'm one of those people who usually has something to say but on this blog it's easier said then done!!
So I'm currently sat in the local pubs wacky warehouse slowly gaining a headache from very over exited,sweaty,static haired, screaming children. It seems to be a good way of burning my mini me out with minimum effort from me (due to her being chased and watched constantly by Kierran while i drink tea and type my blog).
There's alot of mums here which all appear to be around the same age group and seem to all know each other. I always smile and where appropriate will say something but it's usually returned with a glare, fake smile, grunt and a swift look up and down. I seem to be an outsider or the enemy for some reason. Either they must speak some mummy's language I missed a class on or i suspect I'm being stereotyped the Classic "teenage mum". Is this necessarily a bad thing? Why is this worthy of a glare and pure ignorance?
Alot of my family say I shouldn't care what other people think but deep down it annoys the hell out of me. I find myself even trying to buy clothes that would make me look older,which doesn't really seem to work out! On average with what people say I must look between 16 to 20, and have done for years!! when I'm older it would be great of course to look younger but currently it's not due to being treated different to another "well" 25 year old parent.I wonder what these mums think of me when they see me with my daughter and painfully change the expression on their faces. I know for a fact it's not "oh she must be a good mum" or "sometimes things aren't always as they seem". I dress my daughter nicely,have a nice home and I push my health to the limit everyday (and bank balance) to give my daughter everything she needs.
So I'm currently sat in the local pubs wacky warehouse slowly gaining a headache from very over exited,sweaty,static haired, screaming children. It seems to be a good way of burning my mini me out with minimum effort from me (due to her being chased and watched constantly by Kierran while i drink tea and type my blog).
There's alot of mums here which all appear to be around the same age group and seem to all know each other. I always smile and where appropriate will say something but it's usually returned with a glare, fake smile, grunt and a swift look up and down. I seem to be an outsider or the enemy for some reason. Either they must speak some mummy's language I missed a class on or i suspect I'm being stereotyped the Classic "teenage mum". Is this necessarily a bad thing? Why is this worthy of a glare and pure ignorance?
Alot of my family say I shouldn't care what other people think but deep down it annoys the hell out of me. I find myself even trying to buy clothes that would make me look older,which doesn't really seem to work out! On average with what people say I must look between 16 to 20, and have done for years!! when I'm older it would be great of course to look younger but currently it's not due to being treated different to another "well" 25 year old parent.I wonder what these mums think of me when they see me with my daughter and painfully change the expression on their faces. I know for a fact it's not "oh she must be a good mum" or "sometimes things aren't always as they seem". I dress my daughter nicely,have a nice home and I push my health to the limit everyday (and bank balance) to give my daughter everything she needs.
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| Bella (with her crazy bed hair) using my oxygen tubing as a skipping rope. Highly amusing and has multiple purpose! |
With the glares, ignorance and judgement is it any wonder I find it hard to wear my oxygen in public?I even hate wearing it in the privacy of my own home,yet alone giving people the satisfaction to stare at the sick girl. The few occasions that I do wear it (in public) I have had rather rude responses. If I happened to see a person in a wheel chair, I look away immediately and get on with what I'm doing because I wouldn't want them to feel how I feel for one second. Why cant everyone do this? Rather then lock their eyes in your direction and usually catch flies with their mouths wide open.. This of course leads me to believe that some people are ass holes!
I can't even park my car without getting grief.I park on disabled when I can and always display my badge. I often find people (on foot) will purposely walk past my Windscreen to see if I have a badge because obviously I need to be in a wheel chair to park there! I even pulled one man up about doing this.I told him I had a disabled badge so there was no need to check.to which he replied "disabled.......I'll make you ****ing disabled". Of course I very quickly locked myself in the car and laughed at him like I wasn't bothered.which of course I was,and unfortunately wasted my tears on the twit.I have had the odd person requesting to see my badge, like I have borrowed it off a relative or something.which is annoying but also quite satisfying to see their faces when I prove them wrong!
If I went round wearing a t shirt saying "I have Cf, I'm 25, I have a daughter and am on the transplant list" would I be treated differently? Unfortunately.....I think so.
I think getting asked for ID can be a problem for many people but being asked when buying paracetamol is ridiculous, although I did find that rather amusing. Apparently appearances don't matter and its whats on the inside that counts, but I beg to differ when my appearance seems to cause me so much grief!
I can't even park my car without getting grief.I park on disabled when I can and always display my badge. I often find people (on foot) will purposely walk past my Windscreen to see if I have a badge because obviously I need to be in a wheel chair to park there! I even pulled one man up about doing this.I told him I had a disabled badge so there was no need to check.to which he replied "disabled.......I'll make you ****ing disabled". Of course I very quickly locked myself in the car and laughed at him like I wasn't bothered.which of course I was,and unfortunately wasted my tears on the twit.I have had the odd person requesting to see my badge, like I have borrowed it off a relative or something.which is annoying but also quite satisfying to see their faces when I prove them wrong!
If I went round wearing a t shirt saying "I have Cf, I'm 25, I have a daughter and am on the transplant list" would I be treated differently? Unfortunately.....I think so.
I think getting asked for ID can be a problem for many people but being asked when buying paracetamol is ridiculous, although I did find that rather amusing. Apparently appearances don't matter and its whats on the inside that counts, but I beg to differ when my appearance seems to cause me so much grief!
Although I do use looking younger to my advantage on some occasions. If a sales person, or a Jehovah's witness (for example) annoyingly knocks at the door I innocently tell them my parents are not at home and swiftly shut the door. Also for a long time I managed to get away with buying a child's train ticket or bus ticket for a good few years past the normal age.
It's the one good thing yet bad about Cf, is that we can look like any other person without Cf. People with Cystic fibrosis (sometimes called an invisible illness) have bad absorption which causes poor growth.
So on a Me update, after last week the days have been abit of a muddle but all back to normal just about. Although I'm rather jumpy everytime the phone rings again.Just like i was when i first went on the list a year ago. My chest is abit more "fruity" then usual so I'm struggling abit more. Lots of bed rest where i can of course and drugs to avoid the dreaded hospital admission!! Took Bella to a speech therapist yesterday which was interesting. So have been taught the best ways of getting her to start saying proper words, which is needed with a big dose of patience.
Now i just have to figure out what we are going to do to keep her occupied for two and a half weeks due to no playgroup or nursery. Will and Kate's wedding is costing me an extra £26 of nursery fees on top of good Friday which will be closed!! Any ideas people,let me know!!
It's the one good thing yet bad about Cf, is that we can look like any other person without Cf. People with Cystic fibrosis (sometimes called an invisible illness) have bad absorption which causes poor growth.
So on a Me update, after last week the days have been abit of a muddle but all back to normal just about. Although I'm rather jumpy everytime the phone rings again.Just like i was when i first went on the list a year ago. My chest is abit more "fruity" then usual so I'm struggling abit more. Lots of bed rest where i can of course and drugs to avoid the dreaded hospital admission!! Took Bella to a speech therapist yesterday which was interesting. So have been taught the best ways of getting her to start saying proper words, which is needed with a big dose of patience.
Now i just have to figure out what we are going to do to keep her occupied for two and a half weeks due to no playgroup or nursery. Will and Kate's wedding is costing me an extra £26 of nursery fees on top of good Friday which will be closed!! Any ideas people,let me know!!
To be continued......
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